By Mike Sain't Louis ·
El abismo en mi cabeza, a labyrinth the sun forgets
Not everything is laughter on the GayFolk planet. El abismo en mi cabeza (The Abyss in My Head) is one of those written at night and listened to at night, with no glitter and no winks, with the lights off.
The first verse sets the tone: the night screams your name again, a muffled insult nobody answers, shadows dancing to the sound of a cold silence. I'm very interested in that idea of the insult nobody hears. It's what happens with the inner voice when it turns against you: nobody else hears it, but it won't shut up.
The chorus describes that abyss as something alive. It laughs at your clumsiness. It's a labyrinth without doors, a place where the sun never remembers to come in. It seems to me a very precise image of deep sadness, because it doesn't only talk about darkness, it talks about being forgotten: even the light forgets you.
The second verse adds walls that whisper hollow secrets, days that break like old mirrors and a life that feels like an endless trick, a game lost before it starts. And the third reaches the hardest part: wanting to scream and the air choking you, no map, no north, no shooting star, with a weight impossible to let go of. There's a very dark image in those lines and I'm not going to soften it, because the song doesn't either.
Putting something like this in writing is a way of getting that weight out from inside and placing it in front of you, where it can be looked at. The lyrics offer no easy way out and no moral. They describe. And sometimes having someone describe exactly what you feel is already a relief, because it means you're not the only one who has been in that labyrinth.
It's for listening to alone, or for sharing with someone going through a rough patch who doesn't know how to explain it. If you recognise yourself in it too much, don't stay in the abyss without company: find someone you trust or a professional and tell them.
And when the storm passes, put it on again. From the outside it sounds different.
The full lyrics are below. Listen on Spotify
Lyrics · EL ABISMO EN MI CABEZA
La noche vuelve a gritar mi nombreUn insulto sordo que nadie respondeCamino entre sombras que bailan al sonDe un silencio frío atrapado en mi voz
El abismo en mi cabezaSe ríe de mi torpezaEs un laberinto sin puertasDonde el sol nunca se acuerda
Las paredes susurran secretos huecosLos días se rompen como viejos espejosLa vida se siente un truco sin finUn juego que pierdo antes de empezar a vivir
El abismo en mi cabezaSe ríe de mi torpezaEs un laberinto sin puertasDonde el sol nunca se acuerda
Quisiera gritar pero el aire me ahogaMi sombra se va y me deja en la sogaNo hay mapa ni norte ni estrella fugazSolo queda este peso que no puedo soltar
El abismo en mi cabezaSe ríe de mi torpezaEs un laberinto sin puertasDonde el sol nunca se acuerda
Lyrics as published with the official music video, on the MIKE SAIN'T LOUIS label.