Reino Unido ·
Nine species of ex-boyfriend, annotated: Mike Sain't Louis publishes a field guide to the men who leave
The Madrid indie alternative artist who calls himself “the first AI singer-songwriter” sorts exes the way naturalists sort beetles, from the seasonal texter to the rare good one
Madrid, 25 October 2026. — Every break-up eventually turns into a story told over a long Sunday lunch. Mike Sain't Louis, the Madrid-based indie alternative artist who presents himself as “the first AI singer-songwriter”, has gone one step further and turned his into a classification system. His latest blog post, “Pequeña tipología cómica de exnovios” (“A Small Comic Typology of Ex-Boyfriends”), catalogues the men who leave with the seriousness of a Victorian naturalist and the rigour, as he puts it, of an after-dinner conversation.
He opens with a disclaimer worth quoting: none of the exes described is real, “or all of them are, depending on who's reading”. Anyone who recognises himself should know it is pure coincidence, “and it suits him”.
Exes are one of the great subjects of PLANETA GAYFOLK, his catalogue of 273 singles and more than 280 music videos, alongside love, pride and self-esteem. Mike writes every lyric; the music and the vocal performance are generated with artificial intelligence, a production tool he directs. He does not sing. Below, his field guide, with our notes.
1. The seasonal ex
Habitat: December. He reappears every year with the fairy lights, sends a breezy “how are you?” as though conducting a survey, and vanishes in January. Mike's observation is sharp: this one never explains why he is writing. You are left to read between the lines that he is alone, two drinks over, and reached your name scrolling down his contacts.
2. The small-hours ex
A close relative of the first. He exists only between two and four in the morning. By day he barely remembers your name; by night he recalls you with alarming precision. Our note: the British reader will know him as the 2am “u up?”.
3. The ex who doesn't text but watches
The most sophisticated specimen. He views every story you post, the lunch, your friend's dog, a random sunset, and never reacts. He just appears at the top of the list, “like a ghost with a good internet connection”. Mike admits he is fascinated: this man has found a way of being there without being there, which is almost an art form.
4. The ex who wasn't ready
He explained, very maturely and in phrases borrowed from a self-help book, that he was not ready for a relationship. Three months later you see him with someone else at a wedding, extremely ready.
5. The philosopher
He turned the break-up into a seminar. You were dumped, yes, but with an analysis of the relationship so thorough you nearly asked for the bibliography. Mike's verdict: you leave that conversation heartbroken and with the feeling of having failed an exam.
6. The serial apologiser
The hardest one to hate. He said sorry so often that you ended up comforting him. You came out of the break-up with your self-esteem on the floor and, on top of that, the vague sense that you were the one who behaved badly.
7. The ex defined by objects
A whole family here. One left a hoodie and never came back for it; the hoodie now has more presence in your wardrobe than he has in your memory. Another took something of yours, a book, the good frying pan, and every time you make an omelette in the bad one you think of him “with a very specific resentment”. This is where Mike files the title many of his listeners already know, “No quiero otro novio cojín” (“I Don't Want Another Cushion Boyfriend”): men who are, at heart, one more object in the house. Comfortable and silent.
8. The furniture ex
Cousin of the cushion. He spent years in your flat without you ever quite knowing what he thought about anything. When he left, you noticed the gap the way you notice a moved sofa: by the mark on the floor.
9. The good one
The rare species, and the one that appears least in songs because it offers the least material. He loved you well, left well, and texts on your birthday wanting nothing more. Mike confesses this entry annoys him a little as a writer and pleases him as a person. Comedy about exes, he notes, runs on grievance: someone did something wrong and he laughs at it. When nobody did anything wrong, “all that's left is a kind of sweet sorrow, and sweet sorrow is harder to write than rage”. He may manage it one day, or he may leave it as proof that not everything fits into a chorus.
Why classify at all?
Mike's answer is the same reason anyone makes lists: to put order into something that hurt in a disorderly way. Once an ex has a label, he stops being a wound and becomes a type, and types can be laughed at.
That lightness sits on top of something serious. Mike has spoken publicly about the purpose behind much of his writing: with professional help, he turns years of relationships with narcissistic partners into music, to make narcissistic and psychological abuse and its effects on mental health visible, so that people who live through it feel seen and believed. The typology is the comic face of the same project.
Why it travels to Britain
Britain loves an affectionate taxonomy and a deadpan list, and Mike's guide sits comfortably in that line. The songs themselves are mainly in Spanish, with others in English, French and Portuguese, but the humour here is universal: anyone who has kept an ex's hoodie will find themselves somewhere in this catalogue.
Where to listen
All of Mike Sain't Louis's music is free to stream and download, with the lyrics of every song, at https://mikesaintlouis.com. It is also available on Spotify, Deezer and the main streaming platforms. The original post, in Spanish, is on his blog: https://mikesaintlouis.com/blog/pequena-tipologia-comica-de-exnovios
About Mike Sain't Louis
Mike Sain't Louis is an indie alternative artist from Madrid and the self-styled “first AI singer-songwriter”. Lyricist, composer and producer, he is also the artistic director and CEO of his own independent label, MIKE SAIN'T LOUIS, with no record company behind him. Over roughly two years he has built PLANETA GAYFOLK, a trilogy of albums that runs from “Descubierto un nuevo planeta llamado GAYFOLK” through “Ojalá se pudiera viajar a GAYFOLK” to “El día de la liberación”. Many listeners found him in 2024, when “Tan Cateto” went viral on TikTok.
Press contact
Email: info@mikesaintlouis.com Website: https://mikesaintlouis.com Instagram: @planetagayfolk