Mejor que Ben Affleck: the perfect boyfriend, made to measure

Handsome. Intelligent. Always punctual. Nice, hot, always sensual. If you've ever written the list of the ideal boyfriend, this song has done it for you, and in rhyme.

The idea is as simple as it is hilarious: fed up with flesh-and-blood men, the protagonist decides to build one for herself. A boyfriend designed to measure, with no factory defects, no drama and no fights, a love that according to the chorus can't fail. And she announces it proudly, again and again, like someone showing all her friends her latest purchase.

Jennifer, no paperwork

There's a line that makes me laugh every time, comparing herself to Jennifer Lopez, but without a prenup. The fun is that the diva comparison comes with its own twist: she has star glamour and on top of that saves on the notary. It's the kind of celebrity-gossip reference I love to slip into songs, because everyone gets it instantly.

Then comes the punchline of the title. After listing everything this boyfriend does, that he cares about her, wants to make her happy and in bed is pure action, the conclusion is emphatic: much better than the previous ones and, mind you, «mejor que Ben Affleck» ("better than Ben Affleck"). The song uses the actor as the yardstick of the Hollywood heart-throb, the highest bar possible, and the made-to-measure boyfriend beats it. It's a gossip-magazine exaggeration, with no aim beyond the laugh.

Beneath the joke there's something you recognise straight away: the weariness of someone who has piled up too many disappointments and fantasises about a love that doesn't hurt. One who turns up on time, doesn't argue, doesn't leave. Of course it's a fantasy, and the song knows it. That's why the tone is a party and not a self-help manual.

It has a festive pop rhythm and a chorus that sticks the first time. For chanting along in a group after the third heartbreak of the year, or for sending to your ex with a message that just says: I've already got a replacement.

The full lyrics are further down. Listen on Spotify