El señor Garrison, Kenny and a boyfriend put to the test with BlueStacks

If you've seen South Park, you already know where I'm going. Mr Garrison, the teacher with Mr Hat on his hand, that puppet he talks to more than to any human. Well, the lyrics of this song are clear: I'm going to end up like him, married to a puppet.

I find that very specific fear hilarious. It isn't the fear of being alone in the abstract, it's the fear of ending up with a hand puppet as a steady partner. And next, another reference from the same series: I've died more times than Kenny. Anyone who knows the show knows that's an awful lot of deaths.

A programmer with suspicions

The part I enjoy most is the technical confession. The narrator knows about computers, knows about routing, and uses BlueStacks to put the boyfriend to the test. He wonders whose fault it is that he's a good programmer, and who told him to open the computer, when he could be watching a gore film in his room. That dilemma, investigating the boyfriend or calmly watching blood and guts, feels very PLANETA GAYFOLK to me.

And the investigation bears fruit. The lyrics let slip that he caught his dear boyfriend setting up a meet-up with a guy, and finish with one of my favourite lines: «no os ibais a reunir para jugar al Parchís» (you weren't meeting up to play Ludo). It's courtyard-neighbour irony, the kind that needs no further explanation.

In between, the song wonders whether he's a masochist or simply a pessimist. For me he's both and neither: he's someone who already knows how the story ends and checks it again anyway. That's why the chorus repeats so much, because it's a loop.

I recommend it if you're one of those who check the last-seen time, who know more than they'd like, or simply if you like cartoons for adults. Also for anyone with a friend who, every time they get dumped, swears they'll end up married to a teddy bear.

And if it does happen in the end, let it be a puppet with good conversation.

The full lyrics are below. Listen on Spotify